Believing nothing : trusting no-one: Is it bad? I don't think so.

There was a time in everyone's life where you might have considered a possibility that there might be someone out there who can understand you, who trust every word you say, every action you do. You have thought about it because of your experience, on trying to make people understand about you.

Initially you try to make understand your closed ones. I understand that you haven't tried once, you repeatedly tried to explain but eventually you failed. You started looking forward to someone else whom you think can better explain instead of you and you have began your quest to find the right one.

You started looking for personalities, whom you can trust and decided to share with the one among those no-one. Haha !! you poor soul, I can totally understand how you felt when you realized that you had to make an attempt to make that no-one trust and understand you. I mean obviously, if he a stranger you are no-one to him. He need to trust you as well in return because unlike you, that stranger never observed you personality, your behavior. They will surely take their time to trust you back but their are high possibility that the stranger might not like you personality and doesn't even want to spend time with you. But, lets ignore this possibility right now. If you are capable of reading this, I'm sure you have made friends till now. So lets move forward to the possibility where the stranger plan to spend time connecting with you.

I mean, seriously it a huge leap of faith they kept you as you are a stranger to them as well. Not that you are bad but its just that you are no-one to them. You have made all your attempts to gain their trust, you have been there for them, helped them in their physical tasks, chilled out with them when they have nothing to do, trying to fill in with everything you have. Ultimately, they started trusting you so much that they believed in you and felt secure enough to share their feelings with you. You haven't shared any of your emotions, feelings, desires, thoughts to them, you are just waiting to gain their trust so that you can share with them.

At one point of time, you'll realize that the reality you created for them has began without trust in it because you have waited for them to share first to confirm that they trust you and only then you started trusting them with your feelings. You are the one manipulating the reality between you since the beginning to make them trust you. So do you call yourself, "A friend"? if you have been manipulating the other? Sounds bit dark right? lets take the opposite possibility.

Lets assume, you have shared your feeling first to gain trust, now! yes!! its a given and take. You showcased your trust over them and expecting in return but, what you might have never expected was that, there might exist a reality where they have manipulated the reality between you to gain your trust. And, if this happens and you realized that reality between you was built on fake terms, you have started slowly started feeling insecure, regretting every word you shared, every feeling you expressed to the other. You started interpreting how what you shared can be a weapon to destroy your life because you are not supposed to share with anyone now you live with that insecurity, your entire life. Thus, you stopped sharing anything with anyone, accepting and understanding that no-one will ever understand you.

That's when you started get into nothingness, trusting no-one. But you do have a heart and urge to share with someone and creating this persona about that isn't similar to anyone. That persona is 'no-one' and you are believing in 'nothing' and experiencing the true nothingness. This is not existential crisis nor nihilism its the true opposite, that this nothing or this no-one can completely understand you and the nothingness is what make you feel alive because now you have personified nothing itself.

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