I'll take you through a short experience I have been through during the 2023 new year eve to help you understand the impact of certain firm beliefs and decisions. Though the story is more elaborate with lots of self findings, ill try to comprise it into a short story with key findings.
1. The new beginning: Inevitable self
I went on a trip for my new year this time, not to celebrate but to understand what celebration means. Is it to enjoy for a moment or to realize life is a moment of repetitive celebrations? Until that moment, I haven't realized that duality in nature.
The day before the New year 2023, I decided that I will try to think and understand what I'm gonna do about my future during this transition phase between 2022, till the beginning of 2023.
One of the worst loopholes I have was, I always get conscious when people are around. I guess I have always feared their interpretations.
What might they be thinking !? Are they gonna think I'm mad or crazy? or will they start judging even before they understand?
I mean, who wouldn't get conscious of the environment, people, society, and the system around us? We all experienced it until we realized it.
So!
I have decided that I'll !!
During this transition phase!
Will keep my eyes open!!
Irrespective of!
Whatever the noise I hear!!
I keep my ears open!
Taking in all the frequency !!
How much ever paranoid I feel!
I call none and stay still!!
I have decided Consciously, to ignore'!
2.Understanding the innerself
I first meditated for a while, and as usual, I started visualizing my thoughts in the most abstract way possible. It was even more overwhelming as I put on headphones to listen to 'the opening' and 'the root chakra' music of the Spotify group "Beautiful chorus", I lost myself. But the best part was, I felt positive about all the overwhelming interpretations. I don't remember which song it was, but when it began, I felt as if all the energy in my body was being absorbed I started feeling tremendously weak, I couldn't even move a muscle in my body. I know I'm scared but more than that I also know subconsciously, I'm fine. That, there is nothing to worry about.
I slowly started visualizing multiple thoughts at once. These thoughts started covering all around me in to infinite, I saw fractals of thoughts. Some might not be able to express these visual experiences but let me tell you! They are not visual experiences !! They are physical experiences you are visualizing but trying to structure into a form. I saw them splitting into two like cellular division. The same above and below while I'm in between everything.
3. A step to overcome the fear of unknown
I opened my eyes and as decided, went out for a walk. I had my headphones plugged into my phone so that if I get paranoid, I can always get back into the zone. I have rested the headphones around the neck. Checked the time !! I guess it was around 7:30 am on 31 Dec 2022. It was really cold out there but more than that everything seemed really beautiful. That surge of visual experience already had its effect on me.
The sky was bright, the contours were clear, and the colors seemed like never seen. All the bright colors are so bright that they even brightened my soul. I stood there looking at the layered mountains, and trees around me, listening to the silence of nature. Then heard footsteps around. People are walking, talking, and doing some chores.
I started feeling anxious,
as if all those steps are closing by,
all those words are gazing at me,
all the actions are connected to me.
4. By all means try to face it and accept the unknown around you !!
I sat on the nearby chair, took long three breaths, and tried to look around. Nothing changed! It felt as if I'm the center of the universe and everyone thinks about me. I decided to walk around to calm myself and went uphill, not more than 15-20mtrs. I saw a tree cut to a height where I could sit comfortably. I sat there and started smiling.
Before going into further details, you need to know that, I smile and laugh a lot. It's a really beautiful habit I gained to calm myself and make me feel positive. The strange part is, I laugh or smile for nothing! No reason!! As silly as it sounds but it is true. I also do smile and laugh for no reason. Sometimes I just do! but sometimes I really do to get myself into the positive vibe and trust me it works! due to which I have become a lot more optimistic during the course of time.
5. Think about any positive moments and get back to your work !
I started smiling sitting on the log of the cut tree, with its root still connected to mother earth. After a few seconds, I started imagining all the things previously happened and started smiling more and more and more..!
I again saw people walking up and down. I didn't want people to think I'm crazy, so I kept a wide smile while looking at them and signing hello to them or weaving my hands to few as if everything is fine !!
Neither do I know why I started smiling practically nor I ever understood why am I trying to confirm every single unknown by-passers. It felt so silly that, I was smiling my heart wide to control my inner laugh. I'm sure of it that, if I started laughing then, it would have gone for god knows what time!! I again closed my eyes and started thinking about my purpose during all the paranoia.
6. Accept their existence and ignore them consciously
I switched to a fireplace and sat for hours trying to dissect the structure of the reality around us. The connections between the stellar space between and above us, physicality 'beneath & around' us, and 'with & within' us.
People really started staring at me, talking about me, and even trying to peek into what I'm writing, from behind. Not being silly, it happened! because I sat there for straight 5-6 hrs till 12:pm on the afternoon of 31st Dec. I didn't even budge! I took a break of 1-2 minutes in-between just for a break, I'm aware of people staring at me, curious about what I'm doing or writing for so long, deeply focused even with noise around, irrespective of what they think.
It happened because I was consciously ignoring everything around me to be in the subconscious/lucid/unbounded stage. For your confirmation, I was not avoiding the noise, I accepted that they exist and consciously ignored it.
I realized, "To enter the subconscious one need to ignore everything else, consciously!!"
Do you want me to continue ??
What happened next?
What else happened ?
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